Irish Moose Hunt

 Irish Moose Hunt

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Two Irish hunters named Mick and Pat, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

   

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.    

   

The hunters objected, saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."    

   

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

   

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load, and went down, crashing in the wooded  wilderness.

   

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Mick and Pat survived the crash.    

   

After climbing out of the wreckage, Mick asked Pat, "Any idea where we are?"    

   

Pat replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last  year."  

 

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(~Texting Dangers~)

 Texting Dangers  

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A man received the following text from his neighbor:

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I am so sorry Bob.  I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.  I have been tapping your Wife, day and night when you're not around.  In fact, more than you are.  I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse.  I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

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The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

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A few moments later, a second text came in:

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Darn autocorrect.  I meant "WiFi," not "Wife." 

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"WE ARE SCREWED"

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(o~ Go Dutch ~o)

Go Dutch ~ But Why Wait Until 2015? 

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The Netherlands, where six per cent of the population is now Muslim, is scrapping multiculturalism.           The Dutch government says it will abandon the long-standing model of multiculturalism that has encouraged Muslim immigrants to create a parallel society within the Netherlands.           A new integration bill, which Dutch Interior Minister Piet Hein Donner presented to parliament on June 16, reads: 

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"The government shares the social dissatisfaction over the multicultural society  model and plans to shift priority to the values of the Dutch people".           In the new integration system, the values of the Dutch society play a central role.

With this change, the government steps away from the model of a multicultural  society.           The letter continues: "A more obligatory integration is justified because the government also demands that from its own citizens."           It is necessary because otherwise the society gradually grows apart and eventually no one feels at home anymore in the Netherlands.

 

The new  integration policy will place more demands on immigrants. For example, immigrants will be required to learn the Dutch language, and the  government will take a tougher approach to immigrants who ignore Dutch values or disobey Dutch law.           The government will also stop offering special subsidies for Muslim immigrants because, according to Donner; 
"It is not the government's job to integrate  immigrants." (How bloody  true).           The government will introduce new legislation that outlaws forced marriages and will also impose tougher measures against Muslim immigrants who lower their chances of employment by the way they dress.           More specifically, the government imposed a ban on face-covering, Islamic burqas as of January 1, 2014.           Holland has done that whole liberal thing, and realized - maybe too late - that creating a nation of tribes, will kill the nation itself.
The future of Australia, the UK, USA and Canada may well be read here. 

READERS NOTE: Muslim immigrants leave their countries of birth because of civil and political unrest, "CREATED BY THE VERY NATURE OF THEIR CULTURE."

Countries like Holland, Canada, USA the UK and Australia have an established way of life that actually works, so why embrace the unworkable?

 

If Muslims do not wish to accept another culture, the answer is simple: "STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" 

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This gives a whole new meaning to the term, 'Dutch Courage'...  Unfortunately Australian, UK, USA and Canadian politicians don't have the guts to do the same. There's a whole lot of truth here! 

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*THE COMPUTER AGE*

WHAT THE COMPUTER AGE 

HAS DONE TO US!    

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 They never die. They just go...offline! 

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Do You Know Someone Like This? 

"The Affirmative Action President"

"The Affirmative Action President" 

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This is a true article called  "The Affirmative Action President"  written by Matt Patterson, which appeared on the conservative opinion web site American Thinker on August 18, 2011. 

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Finally, the truth about our President and his obvious agenda is starting to trickle through the ‘protective walls’ built by our liberal media. 
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By Matt Patterson (columnist 
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Government & Society 
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Years from now, historians may regard the 2008 election of Barack Obama as an inscrutable and disturbing phenomenon, the result of a baffling breed of mass hysteria akin perhaps to the witch craze of the Middle Ages. How, they will wonder, did a man so devoid of professional accomplishment beguile so many into thinking he could manage the world's largest economy, direct the world's most powerful military, execute the world's most consequential job? Imagine a future historian examining Obama's pre-presidential life: ushered into and through the Ivy League despite unremarkable grades and test scores along the way; a cushy non-job as a "community organizer"; a brief career as a state legislator devoid of legislative achievement (and in fact nearly devoid of his attention, so often did he vote "present"); and finally an unaccomplished single term in the United States Senate, the entirety of which was devoted to his presidential ambitions.
He left no academic legacy in academia, authored no signature legislation as a legislator. And then there is the matter of his troubling associations: the white-hating, America-loathing preacher who for decades served as Obama's "spiritual mentor"; a real-life, actual terrorist who served as Obama's colleague and political sponsor. It is easy to imagine a future historian looking at it all and asking: how on Earth was such a man elected president?
Not content to wait for history, the incomparable Norman Podhoretz addressed the question recently in the Wall Street Journal: To be sure, no white candidate who had close associations with an outspoken hater of America like Jeremiah Wright and an unrepentant terrorist like Bill Ayers, would have lasted a single day. But because Mr. Obama was black, and therefore entitled in the eyes of liberaldom to have hung out with protesters against various American injustices, even if they were a bit extreme, he was given a pass. Let that sink in: Obama was given a pass - held to a lower standard - because of the color of his skin.
Podhoretz continues: And in any case, what did such ancient history matter when he was also so articulate and elegant and (as he himself had said) "non-threatening," all of which gave him a fighting chance to become the first black president and thereby to lay the curse of racism to rest? Podhoretz puts his finger, I think, on the animating pulse of the Obama phenomenon - affirmative action. Not in the legal sense, of course. But certainly in the motivating sentiment behind all affirmative action laws and regulations, which are designed primarily to make white people, and especially white liberals, feel good about themselves.
Unfortunately, minorities often suffer so that whites can pat themselves on the back. Liberals routinely admit minorities to schools for which they are not qualified, yet take no responsibility for the inevitable poor performance and high drop-out rates which follow. Liberals don't care if these minority students fail; liberals aren't around to witness the emotional devastation and deflated self esteem resulting from the racist policy that is affirmative action. Yes, racist. Holding someone to a separate standard merely because of the color of his skin - that's affirmative action in a nutshell, and if that isn't racism, then nothing is.
And that is what America did to Obama. True, Obama himself was never troubled by his lack of achievements, but why would he be? As many have noted, Obama was told he was good enough for Columbia despite undistinguished grades at Occidental; he was told he was good enough for the US Senate despite a mediocre record in Illinois; he was told he was good enough to be president despite no record at all in the Senate. All his life, every step of the way, Obama was told he was good enough for the next step, in spite of ample evidence to the contrary.
What could this breed if not the sort of empty narcissism on display every time Obama speaks? In 2008, many who agreed that he lacked executive qualifications nonetheless raved about Obama's oratory skills, intellect, and cool character. Those people - conservatives included - ought now to be deeply embarrassed.
The man thinks and speaks in the hoariest of cliches, and that's when he has his Teleprompters in front of him; when the prompter is absent he can barely think or speak at all.
Not one original idea has ever issued from his mouth – it's all warmed-over Marxism of the kind that has failed over and over again for 100 years.
And what about his character? Obama is constantly blaming anything and everything else for his troubles. Bush did it; it was bad luck; I inherited this mess. It is embarrassing to see a president so willing to advertise his own powerlessness, so comfortable with his own incompetence.
But really, what were we to expect? The man has never been responsible for anything, so how do we expect him to act responsibly? 
In short: our president is a small and small-minded man, with neither the temperament nor the intellect to handle his job.
When you understand that, and only when you understand that, will the current erosion of liberty and prosperity make sense? It could not have gone otherwise with such a man in the Oval Office. 
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{-HOSPITAL BILL-}

HOSPITAL BILL 

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You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!! 

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A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. 

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.  The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital  where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.  He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.  "Do you have health insurance?" she asked.  He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."  The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"  He replied, "No money in the bank."  Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.  He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."  The nun became agitated and announced loudly,  "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."    ~     ~    The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."    ~     ~~

  

      

This Is Beautiful!

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This is beautiful! 

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  She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'

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  The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

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  Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care anymore? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?

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The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

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Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes.. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. 

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The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold.
Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.' 

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Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the
seat beside her in the car.

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The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her
son's room.

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She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and hugging
his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

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It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her onthe bed was a folded letter. 

The letter said:

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'Dear Mom     

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I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

   ~     Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met
me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I
knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.
God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

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Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God his pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

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Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me
hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

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Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

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(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. 

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Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.'

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Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

   

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 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.    ~  
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.    ~  
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)    ~  
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.    ~  
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.    ~  
6. Use extra poly-grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.    ~  
7. Have Panadol ready in case you actually complete the act.    ~  
8. Make all the noise you want.....the neighbors are deaf, too.    ~  
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!     ~  
10. Don't even think about trying it twice 

in one night!    ~  

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'OLD' IS WHEN.... He/she says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'     ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN... You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 

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(I sent this in large type so you can read it) 

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