These are actual comments made by South Carolina
Troopers that were taken off their patrol car videos:
.
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than
the one you just went through."
.
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
.
3. "If you take your hands off the car,
I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document."
.
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
.
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?
Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be
chasing you."
.
6. "You don't know how fast you were going?
I guess that means I can write anything I want
to on the ticket, huh?"
.
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,
but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention
that I'm the shift supervisor?"
.
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K,
I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll
give you another ticket."
.
9. "The answer to this last question will
determine whether you are drunk or not.
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
.
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair?
Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on
rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and
step in monkey poop."
.
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven."
.
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through
NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
.
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers'
you say you had?"
.
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to, but now we're allowed to write
as many tickets as we can."
.
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police)
is a personal friend of yours. So you know
someone who can post your bail."
.
AND THE WINNER IS.............
.
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women
tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
.
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