Vacation Plans

 Vacation Plans 

  ~  

  ~   

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Yaw know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

    

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

    

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

     

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

    

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" 

   

"I'm taking Earlene with me."

    

    

    

 

    

    

How Was I Born?

 ~  

  ~   

That’s not what Daddy told me!

Daddy, how was I born?

 

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
(Scroll down...You'll love this ...)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'You got Male

 

 

   

(( Senior Moments ))

  

   ~   
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.  
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'  
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'  
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'  
'Do you mean a rose?' 
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'  
     ~   

   ~   
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he did not need my help to leave the hospital.   
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.  
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'    

    ~  

  ~    

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:   

'So I hear you're getting married?'  
'Yep!'  
'Do I know her?'  
'Nope!'  
'This woman, is she good looking?'  
'Not really.'  
'Is she a good cook?'  
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'  
'Does she have lots of money?'  
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'  
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'  
'I don't know.'  
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'  
'Because she can still drive!'    
    ~   

   ~   

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'  
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'  
'Twelve thirty.'  
     ~    

   ~    
Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.    
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'     
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''  
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'  

  ~  

  ~    
One more. . .!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'  
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'  

    ~    
 

Now , before you ' forget ', send this on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh!!

  ~   

Everyone Understands Cartoons

THINK ABOUT IT! 

   ~   

    ~    

Isn't life strange? I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism! How many will send this on?  

  ~   
If Muslims can pray on Madison Avenue and the subway areas in Toronto, why are Christians banned from praying in public and from erecting religious displays on their holy days? 
 
What happened to our National Day of Prayer? 
Muslims are allowed to block off Madison Ave. in N.Y.C. and pray in the middle  of the street! And, it's a monthly ritual! 
 
Tell me, again, whose country is this?  Ours or the Muslims? 
 
I was asked  to send this on if I agree, or delete if I don't.  It is said that 86% of Americans and Canadians believe in God. 
 
Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in the U.S. having "In God! We Trust" on our money, and having God in our Pledge of Allegiance, or the Lord's prayer said in our schools or public  meetings. 
 
I believe it's time we stand up for what we  believe!  

If you agree, pass this on!   

~

:< Male Logic >:

Critical Thinking At Its Best! 

  ~  

  ~    

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes 

   

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3 

 

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose 

 

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at

$450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 …correct?

Man:
Correct 

 

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct 

 

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

 

Man:
Where’s your Ferrari? 

 

  

   

  ~  

Dog Gon It ~ Tickle My Belly

 DON'T STOP NOW 

  ~   

DAT FEELS SO GOOD 

  ~   

   ~   

More Rain Here - Giggle!

 Have You Had Enough Rain Yet? 

  ~  

Or Is It Ice Or Snowing By You? 

  ~   

  ~ 

Whatever, I'm Bored With It All! 

  ~