~ COMMON SENSE ~

 New Preamble to the Constitution 

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This is probably one of the best e-mails I've seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to Lewis Napper, a Jackson, Mississippi computer programmer. He didn't expect his essay -- a tart 10-point list of "rights" Americans don't have -- to become an Internet legend. .. guess what? 
    'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren,  hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.'    ~  

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ARTICLE I: 
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth.. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.     
ARTICLE II: 
You do not have the right to never be offended.  This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you!  You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of dummies, and probably always will be.     
ARTICLE III: 
You do not have the right to be free from harm.  If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.     
ARTICLE IV: 
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need,  but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.      
ARTICLE V: 
You do not have the right to free health care.  That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.      
ARTICLE VI: 
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you get the blue juice.      
ARTICLE VII: 
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat,  or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.      
ARTICLE VIII: 
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.      
ARTICLE IX: 
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.      
ARTICLE X: 
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you came from, English is our language. Learn it!      
Lastly       ARTICLE XI: 
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet,  you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history,  sorry if you are uncomfortable with it.     
If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the United States must speak out because if you do not, who will? 

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(( Hot Coffee ))

 HOT COFFEE 

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This joke is so surprisingly cute....   Its like Art Linkletter's  

"You never know what might come out of the mouth of babes." 

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Gotta love those grand-kids … 

   

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter 

and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" 

   

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" 

   

She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?" 

   

I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton, etc. 

   

She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the 
White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bullshit." 

    

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose. 

    

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NOT ALL THIEVES ARE STUPID

NOT ALL THIEVES ARE STUPID  

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1. LONG - TERM PARKING

Some people left their car in the long-term parking at San Jose while away, and someone broke into the car.  Using the information on the car's registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the people's home in Pebble Beach and robbed it.  So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote garage door opener.  This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology. 

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2. GPS:

Someone had their car broken into while they were at a football game.  Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans.  Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.  When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.  The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house.  They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house.  The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house.  It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.  Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it.  Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen. 

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3. CELL PHONES:

I never thought of this!  This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her cell phone after her handbag was stolen.  Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet, etc., was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says, "I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago."  When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn.  The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text "hubby" in the contact list and got hold of the pin number.  Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account. 

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Moral lesson:
a. Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.  Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.  
b. And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.  
c. Also, when you're being texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them.  If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet "family and friends" who text you. 

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4. PURSE IN THE GROCERY CART SCAM:  A lady went grocery-shopping at a local mall and left her purse sitting in the children's seat of the cart while she reached something off a shelf/ Wait till you read the WHOLE story!  Her wallet was stolen, and she reported it to the store personnel.  After returning home, she received a phone call from the Mall Security to say that they had her wallet and that although there was no money in it, it did still hold her personal papers.  She immediately went to pick up her wallet, only to be told by Mall Security that they had not called her.  By the time she returned home again, her house had been broken into and burglarized.  The thieves knew that by calling and saying they were Mall Security, they could lure her out of her house long enough for them to burglarize it. 

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*PLEASE PASS THIS ON  Even if this does not pertain to you, please let your family and friends know so they don't get caught in a scam.  

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The Star Spangled Banner

The Star Spangled Banner 

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Take a few minutes and watch this. You won't be sorry. 

Every time you sing or hear The Star Spangled Banner 

you will understand it a little better. Click on below.  

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Star Spangled Banner As You've Never Heard It - YouTube  

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Vacation Plans

 Vacation Plans 

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Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Yaw know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

    

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

    

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

     

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

    

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" 

   

"I'm taking Earlene with me."

    

    

    

 

    

    

How Was I Born?

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That’s not what Daddy told me!

Daddy, how was I born?

 

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
(Scroll down...You'll love this ...)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'You got Male

 

 

   

(( Senior Moments ))

  

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.  
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'  
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'  
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'  
'Do you mean a rose?' 
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'  
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Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he did not need my help to leave the hospital.   
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.  
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'    

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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:   

'So I hear you're getting married?'  
'Yep!'  
'Do I know her?'  
'Nope!'  
'This woman, is she good looking?'  
'Not really.'  
'Is she a good cook?'  
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'  
'Does she have lots of money?'  
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'  
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'  
'I don't know.'  
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'  
'Because she can still drive!'    
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A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'  
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'  
'Twelve thirty.'  
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Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.    
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'     
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''  
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'  

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One more. . .!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'  
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'  

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Now , before you ' forget ', send this on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh!!

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