DID YOU SEE THIS ONE BEFORE?

For us you old people  

  

ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? ARE WE THE ONES WHO ARE AGING? REALLY???  

   ~   

ONE  

Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.  

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.  

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.  

'You don't?' I replied.  

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.  

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'  

'That's right.'  

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.  

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)  

(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)  

(And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)  

  

 

TWO  

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.   I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. 

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' 

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' 

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. 

She had no clue to what had just happened. 

(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)  

   

  

THREE 

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.  

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.   

(Keep shuddering!!)  

    

     

FOUR 

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 

'Do you need some help?' I asked. 

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 

Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. 

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.   It's a long walk....'  

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!! 

   

     

FIVE 

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.   One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies. 

A Brunette, by the way!! 

   

     

SIX 

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. 

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' 

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!' 

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!! 

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh....it is all true...  

   ~

     

Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 

4. People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 

7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 

8. You can eat supper at 5 PM . 

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 

10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 

11. You can't remember who sent you this list. 

12. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. 

Forward this to everyone you can remember right now! And remember, Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night! 

   ~   

  

 

 

No God in Tennessee AMEN

 I am posting this message that has been circulated around the world for many years because I feel it is what everyone should be thinking, talking and praying about on our Thanksgiving day here in America.  
  ~     
       

No God in Tennessee AMEN  

  ~    

      

Urban Legends & the rest say this is the real deal.  In fact the principal of the high school has been asked for “reprints” of his speech.  

  ~   

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/mcloud.asp 

http://www.truthorfiction.com/jodymccloud/ 

  ~    

At a Tennessee Football Game---not a joke. Christianity is now the target of persecution... THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS! GOD BLESS EVERYONE WHO READS THIS AND PASSES IT ON.  

     

I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT A HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL CAN SEE THE PROBLEM, BUT OUR SOCIETY CANNOT. Tennessee Football This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game atRoane County High School, Kingston, Tennessee, by school principal, Jody McLeod   

     

"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country."   

     

Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate life style,"and, if someone is offended, that's OK.   

     

I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.   

     

I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable" means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem...   

     

I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess, "Mother Earth", and call it "ecology.."   

     

I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment.."   

     

However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.   

     

This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical. Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments.   

     

Nevertheless , as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical. I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression.   

     

For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time.   

      

"However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM, in the name of JESUS, to bless this event, please feel free to do so .. As far as I know, that's not against the law--yet."    

     

One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray.   

     

They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box!   

    

The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America- the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD."   

     

Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee,remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!   

     

JESUS said,"If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER.."   

    

If you are not ashamed, pass this on.   

    

I'm not one bit ashamed to pass this on, are you?   

    

THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS! GOD BLESS EVERYONE WHO READS THIS AND PASSES IT ON.         
       

         

Lost Words From Our Childhood

 

   ~     
  

Words gone as fast as the buggy whip!  Sad really!  The other day a not so elderly lady (65) said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said what the heck is a Jalopy?  OMG (new phrase) he never heard of the word jalopy!!  So they went to the computer and pulled up a picture from the movie "The Grapes of Wrath."  Now that was a Jalopy!  She knew she was old but not that old.  

  ~   

I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle ...  

  ~   

WORDS AND PHRASES REMIND US OF THE WAY WE WORD by Richard Lederer.    

  ~    

About a month ago,  I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology.  These phrases included Don't touch that dial, Carbon copy, You sound like a broken record and Hung out to dry.  A bevy of readers have asked me to shine light on more faded words and expressions, and I am happy to oblige.   

   ~    

Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie.  We'd put on our best bib and tucker and straighten up and fly right.  Hubba-hubba!  We'd cut a rug in some juke joint and then go necking and petting and smooching and spooning and billing and cooing and pitching woo in hot rods and jalopies in some passion pit or lovers lane.  Heavens to Betsy!  Gee whillikers!  Jumping Jehoshaphat!  Holy moley!  We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill.  Not for all the tea in China!   

  ~    

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell?  Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers.  Oh, my aching back.  Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.   

  ~    
Like Washington Irving's Rip Van Winkle and Kurt Vonnegut's Billy Pilgrim, we have become unstuck in time.  We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, “I'll be a monkey's uncle!” or “This is a fine kettle of fish!” we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.  Poof, poof, poof go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind.  We blink, and they're gone, evanesced from the landscape and wordscape of our perception, like Mickey Mouse wristwatches, hula hoops, skate keys, candy cigarettes, little wax bottles of colored sugar water and an organ grinder’s monkey.    

   ~    
Where have all those phrases gone?  Long time passing.  Where have all those phrases gone?  Long time ago: Pshaw.  The milkman did it.  Think about the starving Armenians.  Bigger than a bread box.  Banned in Boston.  The very idea!  It's your nickel.  Don't forget to pull the chain.  Knee high to a grasshopper.  Turn-of-the-century.  Iron curtain.  Domino theory.  Fail safe.  Civil defense.  Fiddlesticks!  You look like the wreck of the Hesperus.  Cooties.  Going like sixty.  I'll see you in the funny papers.  Don't take any wooden nickels.  Heavens to Murgatroyd!  And awa-a-ay we go!  Oh, my stars and garters!  It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter had liver pills.  This can be disturbing stuff, this winking out of the words of our youth, these words that lodge in our heart's deep core.  But just as one never steps into the same river twice, one cannot step into the same language twice.  Even as one enters, words are swept downstream into the past, forever making a different river.   

   ~     

We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times.  For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.  We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory.  It's one of the greatest advantages of aging.  We can have archaic and eat it, too.    

  ~   
Where have those words gone?  
  ~   

See ya later, alligator!   

    

   

(( Practical Parents ))

      
  ~~  

I grew up with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen before they had a name for it. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.  

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.   

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there would always be more.   

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.    

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…...never to return. .So... While we have it.... it's best we love it... And care for it.. And fix it when it's broken.... And heal it when it's sick.   

This is true. For marriage.... And old cars..... And children with bad report cards.... And dogs with bad hips.... And aging parents.... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.       

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special........ And so, we keep them close!     

I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper', so I've sent it to the people I think of in the same way... Now it's your turn to send this to those people that are "keepers" in your life. Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Keep them close!     

God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to, He already knows your decision.  

   

       

WRITTEN BY A 21 YEAR OLD FEMALE

   

  

This was written by a 21 yr. old female who gets it.
It's her future she's worried about and this is how
she feels about the social welfare big government
state that she's being forced to live in! These solutions
are just common sense in her opinion.  
    
Put me in charge of food stamps no cash for Ding
Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags
of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the
powdered milk you can haul away. If you want
steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.  
    
Put me in charge of Medicaid. Then, we'll test recipients
for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to use drugs,
alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.  
    
Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a
military barracks? You will maintain our property in a
clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be
subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be
inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then
get a job and your own place.  
    
In addition, you will either present a check stub from a
job each week or you will report to a "government" job.
It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and
repairing public housing, whatever we find for you.  We
will sell your 22-inch rims and low profile tires and your
blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward
the "common good."   
    
Before you write that I've violated someone's rights,
realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our

money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would

be too “demeaning” and ruin their “self-esteem,” consider

that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s

money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and

lowered self-esteem.   
    
If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we
should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad
choices.   The current system rewards them for continuing
to make bad choices.   
    
While you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can
VOTE! Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict
of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting
while you are receiving a Gov't welfare check.  
If you want to vote, then get a job.   

  .  

The Train of Life

The Train of Life 
  ~   

THIS IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND 

I AM HONORED TO HAVE RECEIVED IT.

  ~   

NOW, ON TO YOU MY FRIEND!

  ~   

 

   ~    

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents,

and we believe they will always travel on our side.

   ~    

However, at some station

our parents will step down from the train,

leaving us on this journey alone.

   ~    

As time goes by,

other people will board the train;

and they will be significant

i.e. our siblings, friends, children,

and even the love of your life.

   ~    

Many will step down

and leave a permanent vacuum.

   ~    

Others will go so unnoticed

that we don't realize

they vacated their seats.

   ~    

This train ride will be full of joy,

sorrow, fantasy, expectations,

hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

   ~    

Success consists of having a good relationship

with all passengers

requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

   ~    

The mystery to everyone is:

We do not know at which station

we ourselves will step down.

    ~    

So, we must live in the best way,

love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are.

   ~    

It is important to do

this because when the time comes for us to step down

and leave our seat empty

we should leave behind beautiful memories

for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.   

   ~    

I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life.  

Reap success and give lots of love.  

More importantly, thank God for the journey.  

   ~    

Lastly, I thank you

for being one of the passengers on my train.  

  

   *