(( BOSTONIANS ))

YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE BOSTONIANS

 

The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.
Due north of the center we find the South End.
This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End. 
North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
There is no school on School St, no court on Court St, no dock on Dock Square, and no water on Water St.
Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical awddah: Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc.
 If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar) you are on Beacon Hill. If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley.
 Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave.
Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave.
South Boston is Southie.
The South End is The South End.
East Boston is Eastie.
The North End is east of the former West End.
The West End and Scully Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.
Roxbury is The Burree.
Jamaica Plain is J.P.
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, and two Hancock buildings (one is very old; one is relatively new).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tells the weatha:
"Solid blue, clear view"
"Flashing blue, clouds due"
"Solid red, rain ahead"
"Flashing red, snow instead" - except in summer, flashing red means the Red       Sox game was rained out!
Most people live here all their life and still do not know what the hell is going on with this one. Route 128 South is I-95 South and it is also I-93 North.
 The underground train is not a subway. It is the T, and it does not run all night (Fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
Order the cold tea in China Town after 2:00 AM; you will get a kettle full of beer.
 Bostonians...

• think that it is their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.
• think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet - no Rs, except in idear.
• think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
• refer to six inches of snow as a dusting.
• always bang a left as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.

• believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
• think that 63 degree ocean water is warm.
• think Rhode Island accents are annoying.

The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Mass Ave is commonly known as the Harvard Bridge. When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard. This is all true!
Do not pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They will tow it to Meffad (Medford) or Summahville (Somerville).
Do not sleep on the Common (Boston Common).
Do not wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.
The Sox = The Red Sox.
The Cs = The Celtics.
The Bs = The Bruins.
The Pats = The Patriots.
How to pronounce these Massachusetts cities correctly:
Worcester:  Wuhsta or Wistah
Gloucester:  Glawsta
Leicester:  Lesta
Woburn:  Woobun
Dedham:  Dead-um
Revere:  Re-vee-ah
Quincy:  Quinzee
Tewksbury:  Tooks-ber-ry
Leominster:  Lemon-sta
Peabody:  Pee-ba-dee
Waltham:  Walth-ham
Chatham:  Chad-dum
Samoset:  Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set, but nevah Summerset!


Massachusetts Facts:
Frappes are made with ice cream - milkshakes are not.
If it is carbonated and flavored, it is tonic.
Tonic means Soda.
When we want Club Soda we ask for CLUB SODA.
When we want Tonic Water we ask for TONIC WATER.
Pop is another name for Dad.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $7 per pound, you got scrod.
It is not a water fountain... it is a bubblah.
It is not a trash can... it is a barrel.
It is not a hero, or a grinder... it is a sub.
It is not a shopping caht... it is a carriage.
It is not a purse... it is a pockabook.
They are not franks... they are haht dahgs. Franks are money used in Switzahland.
Police do not drive patrol units or black and whites... they drive a crewza. 
If you take the bus, you're on the looza crooza.
It is not a rubber band... it is an elastic.
It is not a traffic circle or round about... it is a rotary. 
"Going to the islands" means going to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket.

  ~  

This Flag Is ?

A FLAG THAT DOESN'T FLY
  ~  
Between the fields where the flag is planted, there are 9+ miles of flower fields

that go all the way to the ocean. The flowers are grown by seed companies.
 

 
It's a beautiful place, close to Vandenberg AFB.

Check out the dimensions of the flag. The Floral
Flag is 740 feet long and 390 feet wide and
maintains the proper Flag dimensions, as
described in Executive Order #10834. This Flag
is 6.65 acres and is the first Floral Flag to
be planted with 5 pointed Stars, comprised of White
Larkspur. Each Star is 24 feet in diameter;

each Stripe is 30 feet wide.

This Flag is estimated to contain more than
400,000 Larkspur plants, with 4-5 flower stems
each, for a total of more than 2 million
flowers. For our soldiers....

 

 

After you see this, please stop for a moment and
say a prayer for our servicemen. 

 ~ 

3 Blond Police Recruits

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Toronto Police Force. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
 

 1 
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did, he has only one eye!

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
 

 2 
"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady?
This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
 

 3 
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.

" The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo!
With only one eye and one ear, ....he certainly can't wear glasses."

  ~  

<{ 21ST CENTURY! }>

WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!

 ~  

 ~ 

*Our Phones ~ Wireless 

 ~ 

*Cooking ~ Fireless 

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*Cars ~ Keyless 

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*Food ~ Fatless 

  

*Tires ~ Tubeless 

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*Dress ~ Sleeveless 

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*Youth ~ Jobless 

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*Leaders ~ Shameless 

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*Relationships ~ Meaningless 

  

*Attitude ~ Careless 

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*Wives ~ Fearless 

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*Babies ~ Fatherless 

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*Feelings ~ Heartless 

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*Education ~ Valueless 

  

*Children ~ Mannerless 

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Everything is becoming LESS 

 ~ 

but still our hopes are ~ Endless. 

 ~ 

In fact we are ~ Speechless 

  

And our PRESIDENT is

CLUELESS

  ~  

The Story of Judas Asparagus

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell 

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 ~  

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there

was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible

says,'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a

lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and

someone did. Then God made the world. He split the

Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,

but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't

been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating

one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden

of Eden .....Not sure what they were driven in though,

because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son,

 Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for

Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a

good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah

built a large boat and put his family and some animals

on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they

said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau,

because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange

for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph

who wore a really loud sports coat. Another

important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was

Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of

Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God

sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues

included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or

covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just

thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy

mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua

who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua

fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over

on the town. After Joshua came David.  He got

to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.

He had a son named Solomon who had about

300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says

he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league

prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was

swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but

I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament.

Jesus is the star of The New Testament.  He was

born in Bethlehem in a barn.
(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always

saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born

in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of

fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many

arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the

Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums.The

worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil

that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards

and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus

on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick

up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back

to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back

at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold

in the book of Revolution. 
 ~  Nothing bad will happen if you don't, but if you

pass this delightful story on you'll make someone

LAUGH, Christian or not, today and they'll keep

spreading the laughter by sending it on and on! 

 ~ 

Random Photos - Part 3

Random Photos - Part 3 of 3

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Livin on the Edge

 
 

The Stunning Glasswinged Butterfly

 
 

Lightning Show at the Grand Canyon

 
 

The Hamilton Pool Nature Preserve in Texas

 
 

Scroll & Wait For It…

 
 

Sunset on Mars

 
 

Cloud City Dubai (repeat)

 
 

Autumn in the Adirondacks

 
 

European Beech Trees of Mariemont, Belgium

 
 

The Inhabited Volcanic Island of Aogashima

 
 

The Great Grey Owl

 
 

The Cloud Covered Island of Litla Dimun

 
 

The Miniature Northern Saw-whet Owl

 

 ~