Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

   

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 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.    ~  
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.    ~  
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)    ~  
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.    ~  
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.    ~  
6. Use extra poly-grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.    ~  
7. Have Panadol ready in case you actually complete the act.    ~  
8. Make all the noise you want.....the neighbors are deaf, too.    ~  
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!     ~  
10. Don't even think about trying it twice 

in one night!    ~  

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'OLD' IS WHEN.... He/she says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'     ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.    ~  
'OLD' IS WHEN... You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 

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(I sent this in large type so you can read it) 

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TEDDY ROOSEVELT ON IMMIGRANTS

Teddy Roosevelt was the 26th President of the United States and the youngest to ever occupy the Oval Office.  He was Vice President to President William McKinley when in 1901 McKinley was assassinated and Roosevelt took over at age 42.  (At age 43 President John F. Kennedy was the youngest to ever be elected President.)

Then former president, Theodore Roosevelt wrote the letter below on January 3^, 1919 to the president of the American Defense Society. It was read publicly at a meeting on January 5, 1919.  Roosevelt died the next day, on January 6, 1919. 

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   “We should insist that if the immigrant who comes here does in good faith become an American and assimilates himself to us he shall be treated on an exact equality with every one else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed or birth-place or origin.

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But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American and nothing but an American. If he tries to keep segregated with men of his own origin and separated from the rest of America, then he isn't doing his part as an American. There can be no divided allegiance here. . . We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language, for we intend to see that the crucible turns our people out as Americans, of American nationality, and not as dwellers in a polyglot boarding-house; and we have room for but one soul loyalty, and that is loyalty to the American people.”

  

Things You Don't Often See

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Lost in the Fifties- Another Time, Another Place

This is one of the best oldie videos! 

Lost in the Fifties- Another Time, Another Place

Quote of the Century

Quote of the Century 

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 Vaclav Klaus 

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Al Capone's Car

 

BIT OF HISTORY I BETCHA DIDN'T KNOW

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 Hours after Pearl Harbor was bombed on December 7, 1941, the Secret Service found themselves in a bind. President Franklin D. Roosevelt was to give his Day of Infamy speech to Congress on Tuesday, and although the trip from the White House to Capitol Hill was short, agents weren't sure how to transport him safely.At the time, Federal Law prohibited buying any cars that cost more than $750, so they would have to get clearance from Congress to do that, and nobody had time for that. One of the Secret    Service members, however, discovered that the US Treasury had seized the bulletproof car that mobster Al Capone owned when he was sent to jail in 1931. They cleaned it, made sure it was running perfectly and had it ready for the President the next day.Al Capone's 1928 Cadillac V-8 "Al Capone" Town Sedan

Became the President's Limo December  1941

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Mechanics are said to have cleaned and checked each feature of the Caddy well into the night of December 7th, to make sure that it would run properly the next day for the Commander in Chief. And run properly it did. It had been painted black and green to look identical to Chicago 's police cars at the time. To top it off, the gangster's 1928 Cadillac Town Sedan had 3,000 pounds of armor and inch-thick bulletproof windows. 

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It also had a specially installed siren and flashing lights hidden behind the grille, along with a police scanner radio. 

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"Previous Owner."

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Footnote:  The car was sold at auction in 2012 for $341,000.

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Tech Support for Seniors

I’m sure any Tech support could add a long list to these! 

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Tech Support for Seniors 

Be sure to read the entire list, the last one is priceless! 

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  Tech  support:      What kind of computer do you have? 

Customer:      A  white one... 

Tech  support:    Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of the screen. 

Customer:      Your left or my left? 

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Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... 

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Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 

Customer:   A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. 

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Customer:     My keyboard  is not working anymore. 

Tech  support:    Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 

Customer:     No. I can't get behind the computer. 

Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. 

Customer:   !   OK 

Tech support:     Did the keyboard come along with you? 

Customer:   Yes 

Tech support:     That means the keyboard is not plugged in. 

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Customer:     I can't get on the Internet. 

Tech support:     Are you sure you used the right password? 

Customer:     Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. 

Tech  support:      Can you tell me what the password was? 

Customer:     Five dots. 

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Tech  support:      What  anti-virus program do you use? 

Customer:     Netscape. 

Tech support:     That's not an anti-virus program. 

Customer:     Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer... 

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Customer:       I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. 

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Tech support:      How may I help you? 

Customer:     I'm writing my first email. 

Tech support:      OK, and what seems to be the problem? 

Customer:     Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? 

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This one and the next   are our personal favorites! 

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 

Tech support:     Are you running it under windows? 

Customer:     'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' 

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And last but   not least! 

Tech  support:   'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' 

Customer:     I don't have a P. 

Tech  support:     On your keyboard, Bob. 

Customer:     What do you mean? 

Tech support:     'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob. 

Customer:     I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT! 

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