Another Great But Fictitious Story

        Another Great But Fictitious Story 

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Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman 

are out for a stroll in town one day.

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As they walk, they come across a sign:
"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

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"I am entering" said Snow White.

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After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
"Well, how did you do?"

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"First Place," said Snow White.

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They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest for the strongest man in the world."

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"I'm entering," says Superman.

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After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
"How did you make out?"

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"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

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They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

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Pinocchio says "this one is mine."

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Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

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"What happened?" they asked.

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"Who the heck is Hillary Clinton?" asked Pinocchio.

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FREE HAIRCUTS

  FREE HAIRCUTS 

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Blessed  are those that can give without remembering, 

and take without forgetting. 

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. 

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the 

barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, 

 I'm doing community service this week.' 

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The florist was pleased and left the shop. 

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When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. 

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The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. 

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The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there

were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. 

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As Ronald Reagan said:

"BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE 

CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!"

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If you don't forward this, 

you have no sense of humor.

Nothing bad will happen; however, 

you must live with yourself knowing 

that laughter is not in your future. 

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Billy Graham & Albert Einstein

Billy Graham & Albert Einstein 

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Billy Graham was 96 years old with Parkinson's disease. In January, 2000 leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favorite son,Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor.

Billy  initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, 'We don't expect a major address. Just come and let us honor you.' So he agreed. 

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century." 

"Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there. He looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'" 

"Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket."

"The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are; no problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'"

"Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I, too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'"

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Having said that, Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing? It's a brand new suit. My children and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion. You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am. I also know where I'm going. May your troubles be less, your blessings more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door. Life without God is like an un-sharpened pencil - it has no point."

"Amen and peace, my friends. And may each of us have lived our lives so that when our ticket is punched we don't have to worry about where we are going."  

Even at his advanced age and with Parkinson's Disease, he could still deliver a powerful sermon!   

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Answers To The Old Geezers Memorys Test

THE ANSWERS 

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1. c) Fender skirts, attached to the rear fenders, covered fully half the wheel streamlining the car.

             

2. a) Blue

            

3. a) Emergency brake. We grew up in much more dramatic times. [I still call it that, do you too? -DAE]

           

4. b) PF Flyers.

           

5. b) It was November 3,1948, when Truman upset Republican Thomas Dewey in the first postwar presidential election. The Trib publisher got the news late.

           

6. b) Sticky fly paper hanging from kitchen ceilings was common in American homes until insecticides like Flit became available in 40s.

           

7. b) Movie Stars

            

8. c) This is a tough one, but the answer is girdles and crinoline petticoats.

            

9. b) Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.

           

10. a) cause I eats me spinach

          

11. b) Rare hamburger or steak with tomato and lettuce.

          

12. c) Building toy structures.

          

13. a) A popular TV series called Leave it to Beaver, perhaps the most unrealistic, misleading and shallow depiction of family life ever produced for TV.

          

14. c) Children's play.

          

15. a) Baseball cards in the spokes. Who among you never did this?

           

16. a) 1914 Good then, 1935 Good now, 2000 Good always, read the back cover of a 1935 Toy Tinkers catalog.

Charles H. Pajeau and Robert Pettit, the founders of The Toy Tinkers of Evanston, Illinois, and the creators of the TINKER TOY construction set, knew that the Thousand Wonder Builder would continue to inspire the imaginations of children because of its easy-to-use, yet versatile construction system.

They are still made today, now by Hasbro.

           

17. a) Getting picked last.

As an expert on this particular humiliation, I assure you that getting picked last was far better than not getting picked at all.

             

18. b) Soap.

Was this a regional thing?

Where I grew up, spanking was the generally preferred method for punishing any childhood misdemeanor.

We wouldn't have known a time out to save our lives.

           

19. a) Kill someone.

I cant remember ever seeing the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers or other cowboy heroes actually kill someone.

They would just shoot the gun out of the bad guys hand.

There was no blood, no violence, just folks wondering who that masked man was.

            

20. c) 1957 Ford Thunderbird.

Hard one but, let’s face it, easy answer.

The option was available only that year.

           

           

SCORING

17-20 correct:-- You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat.

12-16 correct:-- Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy, ready to muck up others.

0-11 correct: -- You are one sad excuse of a geezer.

        

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(- The Carpenter? -)

The Carpenter? 

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Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into
conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side,
sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. 

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Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small
misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it
exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. 

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 One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days' work," he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I be of some help to you?" 

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"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the
creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact it's my younger brother!
Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.  Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence, an 8-foot fence so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." 

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 The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." 

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The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the
materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day -- measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. 

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The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. 

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 It was a bridge. A bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the
other. A fine piece of work, handrails and all. And the neighbor, his
younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched. 

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 "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." 

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The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in
middle, taking each others hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder. 

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"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the
older brother. 

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"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have many more bridges to build." 

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Remember this . . . 

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God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but He'll ask how many people you helped get where they needed to go. 

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 God won't ask the square footage of your house, but He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home. 

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God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He'll ask how many you helped to clothe. 

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God won't ask how many friends you had, but He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend. 

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 God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but He'll ask how you treated your neighbors. 

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 God won't ask about the color of your skin, but He'll ask about the content of your character. 

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 God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, but He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in Heaven, and not to the gates of Hell. 

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God won't ask how many people you should send this to, but He'll ask why you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends and family. 

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